I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
