bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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