i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
