U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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