Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
