Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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