hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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