is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
