our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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