apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
