Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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