Cold hands, warm shart.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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