:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
