Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I could make wine with my vomit
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Boobs speak an international language.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
