I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
40s are totally the cure
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
