Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
