his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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