i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this will be a night to untag.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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