He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
