Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
