shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
there's paper in my vomit.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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