I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
