sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
