What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
