i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
