i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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