is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
