Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
