You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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