I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
