6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
