woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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