I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
