I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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