Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I want a musical about memes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
