pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
