pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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