I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
