seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
