I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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