She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
