so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
