nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
