i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
NoShamevember. You game?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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