She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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