i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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