I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction