I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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