Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.