Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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