happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.