you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
