And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have already put on my inside pants.