i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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