where am i from again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....