Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now