What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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