thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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