maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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