I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
