i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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