Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
