i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
