East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i wish my penis had a tongue
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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