youre lurking in front of me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
