I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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