This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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