no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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