i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
