Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
