I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
