Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
