I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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