i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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