let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
