once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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