I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
