I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
