I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
