I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They took my balls.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
