So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So squirting runs in the family.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
