I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
