Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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