My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
