i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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